Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

(First of all, I've not blogged in forever and a apologies) And my header is missing.....

Mother's day makes my stomach hurt....I'm not gonna lie. It makes my chest tight, my head hurt and my heart race. And not in a good way.

This will be my third Mother's day without my mom. I don't know why this day is so hard for me. This day is harder than the anniversary of the day she passed.

It's on this day, and those leading up to it, that I sift through all the pictures and memories, and my heart aches. I watch our home movies, and all that longing for her returns.
It's on this day that I'm most aware I don't have a mom anymore. That I don't have someone that I can honor on this day.

It's funny how Mother's day is...for me anyway. My kids are great, and I love being their mom, but let's be honest. They don't really get it. I know they love me and appreciate what I do as best they can...but they still don't get it. It's not until you are a mom that you can truly know what your own mother sacrificed and gave. And you understand all the pain and heartbreak that a mama goes through.

I guess for me Mother's day is about her..and not about me. I wish I could hug her one more time. I miss her voice. In fact, it's hard for me to even remember her voice, it's been so long since I heard it. The disease she had took that from her early on. I miss her laugh. I miss they way that she could drive me crazy faster than anyone ever could. I hate that my kids don't have her anymore.

So I guess I just wanted to say....hug your mamas today. Love them even when they make you crazy, and angry.

I love this picture of makes me laugh.
Happy Mother's day friends. :)

1 comment:

Corie said...

Beautiful, honest post, Jessica. I can only begin to imagine how you feel; I'm lucky to still have my mom, even though we haven't always had a great relationship. Thanks for the reminder that just having a mom is a blessing. Happy Mother's Day.